Far wiser and wittier folk than me have said far wiser and wittier things than I’m capable of. Here are some of my favourites:
“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”
Charles Kingsley, British clergyman 1819-1875
“If you want awe, look at the reflection into the future and the past that the Hubble telescope provides, look at what Stephen Hawking has discovered about the extraordinary majesty of this universe. The argument of design or original cause is too paltry to take account of anything so splendid and so various.”
Christopher Hitchens, British-American author 1949-2011
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
Christopher Hitchens, British-American author 1949-2011
“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”
Charles Kingsley, British clergyman 1819-1875
“Nothing happens until something moves.”
Albert Einstein, German-born theoretical physicist 1879-1955
“Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet sure about the universe.”
Albert Einstein, German-born theoretical physicist 1879-1955
“A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.”
Albert Einstein, German-born theoretical physicist 1879-1955
“If we are going to teach creation science as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction.”
Judith Hayes, American author and humanist 1945-2012
“Men rarely, if ever, dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.”
Robert A. Heinlein, American science-fiction writer 1907-1988
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
Douglas Adams, English author 1952-2001
“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
Douglas Adams, English author 1952-2001
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Douglas Adams, English author 1952-2001
“This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”
Douglas Adams, English author 1952-2001
“The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.”
Douglas Adams, English author 1952-2001
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
Mark Twain, American writer 1835-1910
“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain, American writer 1835-1910
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
Mark Twain, American writer 1835-1910
“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
Oscar Wilde, Irish poet 1854-1900
“Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”
Oscar Wilde, Irish poet 1854-1900
“No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist.”
Oscar Wilde, Irish poet 1854-1900
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
Oscar Wilde, Irish poet 1854-1900
“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”
George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright 1856-1950
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.”
George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright 1856-1950
“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.”
George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright 1856-1950
“If you are religious, you might be very nice, but you are slowing us down. We’re trying to move forwards and you’re in the way!”
Jim Jefferies, Australian comedian, born 1977
“I cannot remember the books I’ve read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson, mid-19th century American essayist 1803-1882
“People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can’t trust people.”
Super Hans from “Peep Show”, (fictional character)
“Emotions are dumb and should be hated!”
Bender from “Futurama”, (fictional character)
“Well, thanks to the Internet I’m now bored with sex.”
Fry from “Futurama”, (fictional character)
“I suppose it is technically possible, although I am already in my pajamas.”
Professor Farnsworth from “Futurama”, (fictional character)
“Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me!”
Dr. Zoidberg from “Futurama”, (fictional character)